Grandma is in her last days now. . . I have been pondering about death for a long time now. I guess in the worlds eye it's not a happy thing for someone to die because it usually means the end, but in heaven's eye it is a wonderful thing. It is good for her I guess.
We visited her today which pretty much consisted of sitting next to her holding her hand, keeping her comfortable , giving her water, and making sure she was doing all right. We occasionally talked to her but she was pretty much asleep all the time. When she was not asleep, she was staring at the ceiling with a glassy look in her eyes. When she would stare she stared in the same exact spot. We were curious about what or who she was seeing. She really only responds to yes or no questions so we asked her if she was seeing Grandpa Jim. She nodded yes. We then realized that she literally is halfway in this world and halfway in the spirit world speaking with her loved ones which have passed away before her. She is slowly preparing to leave us on this earth and reunite with those in the next life.
This has been such a sad thing to me for a long time even up to earlier today. I knew I would see her again and that death isn't the end, but I didn't realize that we are not the only ones that who want to see her. What about her husband, parents, siblings, cousins, and other good friends who have passed away? How long has it been since they last saw her? They are anticipating the day or hour when they will finally meet with her again.
I guess dying is kinda like going on a long trip or a mission. When you leave your family to go on the mission it is like leaving the pre-mortal life and coming to this earth. When you are done with your mission, it is as if you are done on this earth, or you physically die. When you get off a mission there are so many people at "home" like family waiting for you to return, but the people you met and impacted on your mission want you to stay, but know that you have to leave. They are sad you have to leave even though they have the knowledge that leaving is what's best. Just like on this earth, when people die or get closer to death, we want so bad for them to stay, but there are people waiting for them to come "home" who miss them just as much as we will. When we are through with our mission on this earth, our loved ones who have died will be waiting to embrace us as we come "home."
I know that I will definitely miss my Grandma Joy, but she will be waiting for me when it is my turn to return home.
I am now at somewhat of a peace about this whole death thing because I have now gained more of an understanding of it. When I was sitting at Darcy and Vikki's house with my grandma, I started reading the booklet from what the hospis gives the family to help them better understand the death process. I wrote a couple things down which have helped me be more at peace about this.
DYING
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with eachother.
Then someone at my side says: "There, She is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, She is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "here she comes!"
And that is dying
--Henry Van Dyke--
I don't know why this is so comforting to me, but I think it is because it has put it into perspective for me. I definitely love my grandma and definitely cannot promise I will not cry, but I think I will be crying happy tears for her.
I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!
3 comments:
That's a beautiful analogy and I can feel the comfort of it's wisdom. I remember when my mom died and how I felt that same kind of comfort. When we were all standing in her hospital room surrounding her bed I remember how I felt knowing that my mom had waited for me, the last one of her children to arrive and complete the circle of her family. The veil became so thin and I felt as if I could part the veil and see the wonderful reunion happening on the other side. It increased my testimony like never before. It was comforting to be there and know how much LOVE we have for each other and the LOVE our Savior and Heavenly Father also have for each of us. I KNOW that Heavenly Father will send his comforter to you and those that love your grandmother. Here name is the epitome of what the spirit can do for each of us. JOY comes through the Savior Jesus Christ and we feel it through the Holy Ghost as we feel our TESTIMONIES grow!! Yours has grown tremendously through the process of your grandmother passing from this life to the next.
That's exactly what i am feeling Asheigh, i couldn't get it down on paper though. i keep thinking that maybe there is a pinch of hope that she will stay with us and get better, being completely selfish and wanting to keep her here. and then that feeling goes away and is replaced by the feeling of how grandpa is yearning to see her again. and how much he misses her.
So like you said about the whole mission thing. it is so true. And i think if our family looks at it that way then we will not be affected by her death as much as people would supect us to be. we will miss her, deeply and truly miss her. but we know she will be with grandpa, her mother, father, etc. And they are waiting with open arms. we just have to be the ones to let go.
she is an amazing grandma, mother, and person. She has taught me so much and i or anyone in our family won't forget her.
(love you grandma)
Those are some great thoughts. I hope she goes when her time comes and that it is peaceful for and all of you guys here.
You know when she passes on that there will be a celebration and you guys can all celebrate her life here as well.
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